Breaking the reality barrier

I have always been fascinated by decision making. I mean, why do we do the things we do? So often, the choices seems illogical, even counter to our own self-interest; but, there you go.

Perhaps we want to be loved, and so, therefore, make decisions we think will lead best to that. Perhaps we want to paint ourselves into a corner, making decisions that force our own hand. Perhaps we really want something other than our public face might disclose, leading to decisions that seem paradoxical. Or maybe we just don’t know, day-to-day, what the hell we want.

Some people really do seem to know what they want. You know them -- single-minded of purpose, quick to move, angry at a missed opportunity to get closer to their goals. The rest of us often envy these men and women, particularly when we waffle on whether to lease or buy, paper or plastic, for here or to go.

Field researchers, academics, psychologists, ethnographers and a host of other professionals are fascinated by decision-making, too. We've read about having too much choice or not enough, be led to choose whatever default has been set or chafing at the guidance or about how every decision we make is the right one no matter how weird or counter-productive it might seem.

Of course, understanding why someone else makes the decision he or she makes is a lot easier to decipher than why we've made any particular choice. From our professional perch, we can see the how others act in three-dimension and total context. When we look at ourselves, we focus to flatter. Even the "half-empty" types among us are capable of seeing too rosy a reflection.

But when you consider the number of decisions each of us makes each day, having a better way to pick and choose what we'll do, how we'll do it and when we'll do it can have a real effect on the way things turn out. Urging people to focus on reality is a common approach. "Keep it real," "Get real" and "Focus" are but three of the bumper stickers we use to draw out attention to the here and now. I wonder though if a commitment to the facts really helps us make better decision. Because just as we focus on our eyes to avoid a nose too large for our face; so, too, do we see the facts and figures in hope that they add up as we had guessed.

No, it is not reality that will give us a fighting chance to make the best decisions. It is really a focus on the future that will better do the trick. It is better to decide on the basis of our aspirations rather than our situation; better to choose because of of who we hope to become rather than from where we have come.

Reality is a persistent hurdle. A child may want to be a truck driver or an astronaut or a teacher. Reality intrudes and he or she may wind up in law school or on the job they took because of realities -- food, clothing and shelter. A newly minted college graduate may want to go to grad school or write or travel. But then reality intrudes -- the burden of loans, an ill parent or a spouse. Or an established professional may want to expand, invest or innovate when those "realities" of margin, risk management and scarce resources choke off the choice.

Reality is an influence, but it does not need not to increase the drag coefficient on your career. Better to focus on aspiration. In this way, the decisions are easier to make and aligned from the start and along the way. By using what comes next as the guide for what happens now, there is a better chance of making the future happen which, as I see it, is the reason we make decisions in the first place.